She was back putting pen to paper 😌
As per the illustrious title of my previous blog.....I figured shit out.
Just kidding, of course I didn't 😂 In fact, I figured out there's more shit to be figured out.
When I started this journey, I was under the illusion that at the end, I would get some kind of "Mental Health Blue Peter Badge" because I did the homework (Digging into my issues) handed in my assignments (Did the self reflection and work) and sat all of my exams (faced past trauma's and present triggers). However, 6 years later allow me to burst the bubble and tell you.... THERE'S NO BADGE. That's right, not only is there no 'Blue Peter' badge for the roller-coaster of a journey, you put yourself through trying to become the best version of yourself. You get to do it all whilst experiencing the whirlwind of emotions that comes with that journey. With the added bonus of having a symbiotic relationship with the double nemesis's known as the mind fuck twins (Anxiety and Depression)
Imagine waking up one day at the young age of 43 and realising, you've lived your whole life to date for EVERYBODY else. And that's not even the craziest part. The craziest part is, that until last year, I wasn't even aware I was doing it. However, being that we're in 2026 and the world is at its craziest, I'm not going to worry my beautiful little brain any further about that. God knows, I've done more than my fair share of that throughout my life! So instead I've simply started living my life with me at the top of the priority list and anyone that benefits from that....good for you 😊
And that Ladies & Gentlemen is your introduction to not only my new blog 😌 but my first blog post in 6 years ☺️ As I've been missing writing, I figured I'd find if I've still got it.
We're taught being selfish is a bad thing (and yes to a certain degree that's true). But if you're not selfish enough to put yourself first and protect your peace, your energy and yourself the world WILL take that as an invitation to take advantage of you. Learning that the hard way, has paved the way for me to start figuring some more shit out. Like one of the most important things I've learnt in the last half a decade…
💖BOUNDARIES💖
Make Sure You Have Them and Do No Let Anyone Talk You Out Of Them!!!
Boundaries are not created to keep people out. They're created to protect you.
So what else has happened since I last wrote. Well,we've had a global pandemic (hopefully we're not about to have another one. Not today hantavirus, not today 🙄) COVID was something I didn't think I'd see in my lifetime and by that I mean a worldwide viral take down that started with a Bat Soup 🤦🏾♀️ I was lucky to not have a bad COVID experience, but it wasn't the same for everyone. A lot of people sadly lost their people 💝 Therefore, I'm sure I speak for many when I say "Can we pleeeeeeeeeease avoid another one" Whilst we're at it, not going into WW3 would also be appreciated 👀 Just saying
After that the inevitable happened. I got into my first relationship in 10 years. Before you get too excited, leave the cork in the Champagne bottle, one is no longer in said relationship 😆 Why am I no longer in it?
Just like you shouldn't food shop when hungry, you shouldn't date out of loneliness. You'll accept anything put in front of you and as the Snickers adverts taught us "You're not yourself when You're hungry". Needless to say, the relationship didn't go well, nor did it end well leading to the subsequent breaking of me......Thankfully! Yes, you read that correctly.
As I've come to learn, I needed to have my heart broken in order to take me to an emotional ground zero. Now, is emotional ground zero, the best place to visit.....185% NO. But you do not build a house from the 1st or 2nd floor. No, you start from the ground and work your way up. I needed my heart broken, to fix my vision. It forced me to dig into the roots of why I was allowing myself to accept way less that Queen treatment.
I'd like to tell you, this experience was all Unicorns and Rainbows, which it would have been if I were a unicorn or a rainbow. But As I'm a human simply two-stepping around planet earth, it was about as smooth sailing as the Titanic's last moments. But needless to say, I've been doing my best, to lean into my inner Elsa and "Let It Go" (Yes, I still Love Frozen and will continue to quote it 😄) and (the "It" I'm referring to is control of how I thought things are meant to be)
I've become aware that I learnt early on to suppress my feelings for the sake of others. Overtime, that developed into self abandonment. Like feeling sad and telling myself "You're at work, hold it in until you get home" or not letting my family and friends see me in tears so it didn't burden them. But that way of thinking has played a major part in me, putting my feelings to the side and abandoning my needs. Whereas now, when my tear ducts let me know they are no longer interested in holding in my unprocessed emotions, I let them out. And yes, that has meant that sometimes, randomly crying in public has become a thing I now do......and I'm okay with that.
I'm aware that this way of handling life is not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. It's okay for you too choose how you process your emotions and what steps you take. Unless you choose serial killer shit of course 🙈 We're not about that life.
Now I acknowledge that some people may not agree with crying out your feelings or like that I am advocating for this type of self care but thankfully this is MY BLOG......soooooooooo 🖕🏾
And yes, I do still cry in private, especially when I can't be asked to explain why and that's also okay.
Why have I just given you a play by play of my crying habits? Simple because it was one of the most important, first steps I took in putting MYSELF first. I stopped waiting for it to be convenient and started listening to my nervous system anytime it alerts me to the fact that my eyeballs are about to rain down my cheeks. My default is still to stop myself, but I'm learning to lean into it more and more each day. I've found a big part of the solution is one of the most irritating sentences to hear, but one of the truest ones I've heard to date....."Give It Time"
Time has helped me to step gracefully but warily into my "Peace Over Everything" Era, because it has come to my attention that peace is one of the most expensive things, we possess. Its so expensive, that giving it away willingly, could cost you your whole life to get it back. Which is why "No" has not only become one of my favorite words, but its been elevated to full sentence.
Example: "Would you like to go here?" or "Do you want to do this?
"NO"
If my mind says no, My body doesn't go 😉
The people pleaser that I grew into from shrinking to fit in, agreed to any and everything to ensure everyone one else was always happy and taken care of. The Selfish Queen that has been birthed from Boundaries, couldn't give 2 fucks, let alone one, about putting my needs first. Because boundaries, are the gift that keeps on giving.
Any who......now that I've covered some of the more painful experiences, let me shine a light on some of the happier ones🤩
1) The Maldives
Best Holiday to Date. If you ever get the chance to go, DO IT! You wont regret it. Also, if you get the chance to fly Emirates Business Class - do that too. Its an experience I'm elated I was able to partake in. Lying down on a flight is absolutely one of my happiest places. Travel as much as you can in life luvlies.
2) Blonde Bombshell
They say break-ups bring about change and now that I've changed my hair colour from red to blonde, I guess I've fallen into that cliche. In my defence, I look even hotter as a blonde than I did as a red head, so there's that😉
3) Plant Mama
It started with one.......My Darling Maureen 😍(A Succulent) who honestly, I'm surprised I managed to keep alive a whole year. But at 20 months, she is growing and thriving.
Then there's Bae & Lee (The Twins) I thought they were 1 plant until they started growing in different directions - hence the split name.
Then there's Deidre (The rubber plant) who's taking over the entire desk, now that she happily re-potted in a self watering pot.
Alice - The spider plant who is warden of the mantelpiece.
Leslie, Anna and Mia (The Girl Triplets) and the baby of the family (because he was purchased most recently) Edward.
The irony of me having a plant family, is that I never saw the point in flowers, as they died, so plants were an after thought at best. But thats just proof things change.....which brings me to point number 4
4) God
Anyone that really knows me, knows that walking with God has NOT previously been a part of my life and if I'm being honest, a part of me felt by telling the world, that I now walk with god by my side, I would need to justify that change. BUT I DONT! AND I WONT! Walking with God, having random convo's with him, praying and reading the bible have all become a part of a type of peace I have never felt. My journey with God is mine. I'm not telling anyone else what to do or how to move when its comes to God. Just like I wont be explaining any further on why I have chosen to walk with him. He's added value to my life and that's all you need to know ☺️
5) Scrabble
Who would have thought the digital version of a childhood spelling game, would turn into one of my favourite adult hobbies. I've currently got 20 games on the go and I'm loving it
6) Friends
I'm lucky enough to have both and male and female friends that I can turn to. The last few years would have been horrific without the amazing Kings and Queens that have stood by me.
So.......Shout out to My Sisters - Little Chan Chan & Baby Shark ❤️ My Ducky 💗 My Garage Girls 💖 My Ladies 💝 and My Rooley Pooley 💗 for drying my tears, reminding me to smile, making me belly laugh and holding space with no judgement. Our continuous face-times, lunches and dinners serve as a reminder of how grateful I am to have such Queens in my corner. Thank you for being your legendary selves 💓
And let me not forget The Kings that have made a point of reminding me what great men are truly capable of. Thank you for showing up with kindness and emotional safety. For holding space for me. For so easily showing me princess treatment that you've raised my standards through the roof for anyone that wants to date me. You give me hope that there are still GREAT men out there and not just boys in male bodies. So shout out to Baaaah 💕 & Brody 💕 Thank you for being great men ❤️
Well this seems like a pretty good place to end my first post, but as always.....
Have a great day, remember you're a unicorn and don't let anyone shit on your rainbow 💝
